Menopausal Years
By Dominique Marguerite, Ph.D.

"My husband is ADD (Adult Attention Deficit)" complained my friend as she walked into the room. "I don’t seem to be able to get his attention." This is a common complaint of women in midlife. What often follows are complaints about the partner’s other deficiencies and her life in general. Hearing this time and time again from women, I began to wonder, is there an unreported surge of ADD or is something else going on.

At midlife, women can seem to be profoundly emotionally dissatisfied, and sometimes they also feel depressed and anxious. Midlife is a time of transition and any transition is marked by devaluation. Women ask: do I still want to be in my marriage? Do I want to quit my job? Midlife for women also means the onset of perimenopause or what I call Part 3 of the Blood Mysteries (a woman bleeds at puberty, holds her blood during pregnancy, and stops bleeding at menopause).

The perimenopausal years can begin around age forty-two and last for the next 8 to 10 years. For nearly a majority of women it is a time of physical and emotional upheaval powered by a fluctuation or decrease in "sexual fuel" hormones, less sensitivity to the "feel-good" hormones and a fluctuation in the "bonding" hormone.

Women also say they feel they are going crazy—they feel anxious, panicky, insecure and dissatisfied; they have low self esteem, worry a lot,

and experience disturbing dreams. These emotional and psychological symptoms are above and beyond concerns that can arise and become overwhelming or both men and women in midlife: aging parents, children leaving the nest, or financial insecurity, to name just a few.
So what to do? First things first: I always suggest to a woman that she get a complete physical. She must also learn to take care of herself physically: develop healthy sleep patterns, improve her mood and energy through proper nutrition, reduce alcohol and sugar consumption, and exercise regularly.
Secondly, she can educate herself about the changes in her sexual response to help make sense out of what she is experiencing. If she is feeling anxious and depressed, she can consult a psychotherapist who understands menopause and will help identify solutions to her dilemma. With professional help, she can discover the new woman she is becoming in order to acquire a renewed taste for life and develop a new sense of feminine identity.

Copyright 2008 Dominique Marguerite Ph.D.